Tag Archives: comedy

Astrology May 19, 2011: “Dull Boy Jack” and Moon Trine Jupiter

19 Thursday May 2011

Posted by in Astrology May 2011

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COSMIC WATCH:

“Humor is mankind’s greatest blessing.” Mark Twain

This may be a good morning to crack the one-liners at the office, as we have the Moon in ‘fun-loving” Sagittarius trining Jupiter in spontaneous Aries (10:18 am EDT), with jolly Jupiter steward of the title, “the cosmic king of comedy.” Jupiter presides over our sense of humor, or ability to include some levity into our perspective. This is also an excellent period to self-promote, self-publish, and or expand upon our brilliant philosophy (Jupiter) of life with anyone who will listen to us.

Later in the day, when the Moon shifts into serious, “all work, no play” Capricorn (4:17 pm EDT), it may be harder for us to casually laugh or philosophize our troubles away, especially for “dull boy” Jack. Although the Capricorn Moon’s sextile to imaginative Neptune in “tipsy” Pisces (5:48 pm EDT) can help to get our creative juices flowing again, especially when Jack meets up with Mr. Daniels at the water cooler. 🙂 We also may have to subdue an inner rebellious streak when the traditionalist Capricorn Moon squares off with “non-conforming,” lone maverick Uranus (10:31 pm EDT), defiantly thumbing for a ride on the “wild west” Aries’ prairie.

Note: We do have a “void of course” Moon in Sagittarius from 10:18 am to 4:17 pm EDT, suggesting it is best to focus our attention on old projects during that span versus taking on anything new.

Patrice Thompson

copyright 2011

Source Notes:

Red with yellow color flowers: http://www.sxc.hu/photo/1275366

mosaic sun: http://www.sxc.hu/photo/1327692

Disclaimer:

For entertainment purposes only. The information and data contained on and through this site is to be treated purely for your entertainment purposes only. Any prediction or other message that you receive is not a substitute for advice, programs, or treatment that you would normally receive from a licensed professional such as a doctor, lawyer, mental health professional, or financial advisor. Cosmic Life Coach Astrology Blog and Patricia Thompson provides no guarantees, implied warranties, or assurances of any kind, and will not be responsible for any interpretation made or use by the recipient of the information and data mentioned above.

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Astrology May 1, 2011: “Popes, Saints, Would-be Kings” Mars Conjunct Jupiter

01 Sunday May 2011

Posted by in Astrology May 2011

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COSMIC WEATHER:

“In his holy flirtation with the world, God occasionally drops a handkerchief. These handkerchiefs are called saints.” Frederick Buechner

With popes and beatification in the news, and would-be kings, it could be that Mars is aligned with Jupiter above! Mars and Jupiter are, indeed, conjunct in pioneering Aries now, and have been so for the last few days. This aspect is finally exact to the dot today (12:26 am EDT).

Jupiter, the ruler of Sagittarius (sign of religion and philosophy) and co-ruler of spiritual Pisces (ruler of saints), presides over affairs of royalty and and also clergyman, including religious figures such as the pope. Of course, we had the royal wedding on Friday of Kate Middleton and Prince William, and today, Pope Benedict XVI beatified Pope John Paul the II, bringing the late pontiff one step closer to sainthood. More than a million people descended on St. Peter’s Square and surrounding areas to partake in the event. Kate and Williams’s wedding was viewed by 2.6 billion people.

Expansive, grandiose Jupiter, associated with pomp and circumstance, generally wants everything done on a large, lavish scale. Part of his “perennially thinking big” mindset and orientation. Jupiter denotes the philosophy of optimism. “If you can believe it, you can achieve it bro! Don’t fret your poor self with worry over the pending charge account statement. You only go around once! You gotta’ live it up!” 🙂

With energizer Mars conjoined with jolly Jupiter, it is much easier for us now to get carried away with our dreams and enthusiasm, especially in “unstoppable” Aries, the sign of “act first, think later.” So, we may want to make sure that we are adding in at least some measure of common sense with our actions, so we don’t disappoint later, or bite off more than we can chew, in our glorious quest to get ahead and our name on the marquis.

With that said, this is a fantastic time for self-promotion and for selling ourselves. Too, we can even inject some Jupiterian humor into the situation, like President Obama did last night at the White House Correspondents Dinner in Washington DC.

I was checking, last night, and it appears that we have only had this Mars-Jupiter conjunction in Aries two or three times in the past 100 years or so, although these two planets meet up every couple years by conjunction. So today’s exact event is very rare. Too, we also have the Moon, Mercury, Venus and Uranus in Aries, the official sign of new beginnings. We will also not have this many planets in Aries again for many years, at least 12+ years or more. Also, the Aries Moon is simultaneously conjunct both Jupiter (10:51 am EDT) and Mars (11:21 am EDT) adding even more icing on our personality cakes.

What this all means, to me, is we have a golden, and again, very rare opportunity to re-design and re-invent ourselves now in unprecedented ways. Aries is about self-discovery, and also turning over a new leaf. If we have maybe been feeling down in the dumps, we need to somehow find a way to re-kindle our passions again today, and attempt to make our lives spectacular and magnificent, on the grand, lavish scale of Mars-Jupiter. To have the world around us take notice of us for our crowing achievements and singular contributions for the good of humanity. Even if we may initially only be a “big fish in a small pond.” At least, it’s a beginning! And, we’ll also do Mars-Jupiter proud! May the “Mars-Jupiter force,” be with you today!

Famous Birthdays May 1st: Judy Collins (72), late Jack Paar (94)

Remember: We’re building it to the sky today!

Patrice Thompson

copyright 2011

Source Notes:

Obama: http://blogs.wsj.com/washwire/2011/05/01/obama-jokes-about-birthers-poll-numbers-and-2012-candidates/

sunflower: http://www.sxc.hu/photo/1328158

birthdays: http://www.astro.com/

YouTube – We Built this City w/lyrics Starship SpazzyOwen

Beatification: http://www.seattlepi.com/news/article/Pope-arrives-in-St-Peter-to-beatify-John-Paul-II-1359716.php

Buechner quote: http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/keywords/saints.html

mosaic sun: http://www.sxc.hu/photo/1327692

Disclaimer:

For entertainment purposes only. The information and data contained on and through this site is to be treated purely for your entertainment purposes only. Any prediction or other message that you receive is not a substitute for advice, programs, or treatment that you would normally receive from a licensed professional such as a doctor, lawyer, mental health professional, or financial advisor. Cosmic Life Coach Astrology Blog and Patricia Thompson provides no guarantees, implied warranties, or assurances of any kind, and will not be responsible for any interpretation made or use by the recipient of the information and data mentioned above.

Astrology April 11, 2011: Mars Square Pluto, Mercury Conjunct Jupiter

11 Monday Apr 2011

Posted by in April 2011

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COSMIC WEATHER:

“Life’s challenges are not suppose to paralyze you, they’re suppose to help you discover who you are.” Bernice Johnson Reagon

Mixed bag of nuts today. We have the potent “Mars square Pluto” aspect exact (4:36 pm EDT). This influence has been applying for the last several days. Mars, ruler of our self-assertion and drive, can passionately empower us to take on formidable challenges, when aligned with intense, controlling Pluto. Mars-Pluto is perennially linked with wanting to wield power and influence in the world. (Oprah Winfrey has this aspect exact in her personal horoscope.) We need to make sure, however, that we don’t overtax ourselves or surpass our limits with this aspect. Too, we would be very wise to avoid power struggles, shoving matches, taunting behavior, etc. On the shadow side, Mars-Pluto can awaken and unleash our “inner bully.”

Mars-Pluto can also be “very transforming” energy, with Pluto ruling regeneration. Again, as I mentioned the other day in my blog on Pluto stationing retrograde, this is an excellent time to “wipe the slate clean” and  to purge or eliminate what isn’t working in our lives.

Retrograde Mercury, ruler of our thoughts, is also back into an exact conjunction with “optimistic” Jupiter (11:59 pm EDT), ruler of philosophy and our higher beliefs and vision, academia, long-distance travel. On the plus side, the Mercury-Jupiter influence can make us more enthusiastic and upbeat, more high-minded in our thinking (a nice antidote for the Mars-Pluto “bully” mentality). Mercury-Jupiter is also an excellent time for writing.

The shadow side of this same aspect is we can become too boastful or arrogant (Jupiter). Too, with the Mars-Pluto aspect as a backdrop, this is probably not a good time to get into arguments over philosophical (Jupiter) differences, as they could very well escalate. Also, if we have any public presentations or speeches (Mercury) to make, we will want to make sure that we have “all the facts” straight ahead of time (Mercury-Jupiter tends to exaggerate), in case we later get “called on the carpet” (stickler Pluto). However, if we do diligently cover our bases, we could be very compelling and persuasive as a speaker (or writer) now, especially if we sprinkle in some of the famous “Jupiterian” humor.

BTW, do you think you have a good sense of humor? May want to check out the positioning of Jupiter in your chart and see how it’s linked up to the personal planets (Sun, Moon, Mercury, Venus or Mars; or the Ascendant; or 3rd or 9th houses) for further astrological insight and confirmation. We mentioned Oprah Winfrey earlier, she also has her Mercury (communication) trine Jupiter in her horoscope, so she has no problem seeing humor in things. Too, that endows her with natural ability to make people laugh. (Mercury-Jupiter is also the hallmark of a teacher or preacher.) Comedian David Letterman (who has a birthday tomorrow) also has his Mercury exactly trine his natal Jupiter. David is also a writer and that is excellent for that outlet. Funny man, and also writer, Woody Allen, has his Sun conjunct Jupiter, a similar influence-type influence, as does James Garner, who I have always regarded as very funny.)

“A sense of humor… is needed armor. Joy in one’s heart and some laughter on one’s lips is a sign that the person down deep has a pretty good grasp of life.” Hugh Sidey

Famous Birthdays April 11: Ethel Kennedy (83), Joel Grey (79)

In the News: With the potent “game-changing” Mars-Pluto aspect exact today, fascinatingly, one of the news headlines this morning is about President Obama’s big “press conference” that is slated for this Wednesday. Obama will be unveiling his package of proposed spending cuts for the future, including proposed cuts to Medicare and Medicaid, and changes to Social Security, in a bid to tackle this nation’s deficit crisis (Pluto rules debt). Higher taxes (ruled by Pluto) are also reportedly going to be proposed for the wealthy. (Wall Street Journal)

In announcing the details of his press conference, President Obama is also effectively “transforming” his image (the “reforming” Mars-Pluto energy) to a certain extent, by letting it be known that he is planning on shifting his policies around. Sometimes, too, with Mars-Pluto, we also suffer a “fierce backlash.” Surely there will be factions (the far left? the elderly?) who will not be pleased with his proposals.

Patrice Thompson

copyright 2011

Source Notes;

Sidey: http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_humor.html

flowers: http://www.sxc.hu/photo/1321255

birthdays: http://www.astro.com/

Oprah Winfrey horoscope: http://www.astro.com/astro-databank/Winfrey,_Oprah

Reagon quote: http://thinkexist.com/quotations/challenge/

mosaic sun: http://www.sxc.hu/photo/1327692

Disclaimer:

For entertainment purposes only. The information and data contained on and through this site is to be treated purely for your entertainment purposes only. Any prediction or other message that you receive is not a substitute for advice, programs, or treatment that you would normally receive from a licensed professional such as a doctor, lawyer, mental health professional, or financial advisor. Cosmic Life Coach Astrology Blog and Patricia Thompson provides no guarantees, implied warranties, or assurances of any kind, and will not be responsible for any interpretation made or use by the recipient of the information and data mentioned above.

Astrology April 3, 2011: New Moon in Aries, Mars Conjunct Uranus in Aries

03 Sunday Apr 2011

Posted by in March 2011 Astrology

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COSMIC WEATHER:

“Identity is destiny.” Stephen Covey

We have a New Moon at 14 degrees of Aries today (10:33 am EDT). Aries, by the way, symbolically represents our “self-identity,” in reference to the Stephen Covey quote above. New Moons also signify “new beginnings,” and this one occurring here, in the first sign of the zodiac, is the equivalent of having a “double whammy,” as Aries denotes “new starts.”

Too, we just had “energizer” Mars, the ruler of Aries, re-enter its own sign yesterday, joining the Sun, Mercury, Jupiter and Uranus. Mars is also conjunct “liberating” Uranus today (4:52 pm EDT) in Aries, something that has not happened since May of 1932. Mars-Uranus is an electrifying, powerhouse of an aspect. It can be explosive, but it can also inspire genius and innovation.

Uranus also rules radio broadcasting and the last time these two planets paired up in adventurous Aries is exactly when late comedian Jack Benny‘s “radio program” debuted on the air (May 2, 1932). Benny was also an Aquarian (a sign ruled by Uranus). Jack Benny, with his comedic genius (Uranus) ended up being a pioneer (Aries) in the entertainment industry. He liberated many of us  from our sordid daily routines by making us laugh. His more rebellious, wacky brand of humor was highly original and had “Uranus” stamped all over it.

Also, a synchronistic, personal tie-in here to today’s Aries New Moon and also the Mars conjunct Uranus aspect: A few minutes ago, while I was still lying in bed listening to soft jazz on the radio, a song suddenly came over the radio with the powerful lyric, “As long as you are breathing, you can start all over again.” I had never heard this song before (don’t even know if that is the title of the song), but as soon as I heard it, I knew that I had just experienced, in an uncomplicated way, the basic essence of the New Moon in Aries: As long as we are alive, we all have the option of beginning anew!  Yes, this is true! Too, this came over the Uranus-ruled radio! So very cool.

Mars-Uranus is also an aspect which triumphantly proclaims and celebrates our uniqueness and individuality, strong support for the “identity-seeking” Aries New Moon. So, let’s start (Aries) something spectacular and grand today with our lives. Make the mighty contribution that only we alone can make. The New Moon’s opposition to “form-builder” Saturn also ensures that, if we are “serious” (Saturn) about creating new beginnings, we can do it!

“You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream.” C.S. Lewis

Famous Birthdays April 3rd:

Wayne Newton (69), Doris Day (89), late Marlon Brando (87)

Patrice Thompson

copyright 2011

Source Notes:

morning light: http://www.sxc.hu/photo/1337580

MSNBC Sheen: http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/42380628/ns/today-entertainment/

Charlie Sheen birthday: http://www.astro.com/astro-databank/Sheen,_Charlie

tulips 2: http://www.sxc.hu/photo/1285281

birthdays: http://www.astro.com/

Jack Benny: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/1932

mosaic sun: http://www.sxc.hu/photo/1327692

Disclaimer:

For entertainment purposes only. The information and data contained on and through this site is to be treated purely for your entertainment purposes only. Any prediction or other message that you receive is not a substitute for advice, programs, or treatment that you would normally receive from a licensed professional such as a doctor, lawyer, mental health professional, or financial advisor. Cosmic Life Coach Astrology Blog and Patricia Thompson provides no guarantees, implied warranties, or assurances of any kind, and will not be responsible for any interpretation made or use by the recipient of the information and data mentioned above.

Patricia’s Astrology: I Love Lucy Debuts With Venus Conjunct Mars

14 Thursday Oct 2010

Posted by in October 2010 Astrology

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On October 15, 1951, I Love Lucy, starring Lucille Ball, Desi Arnaz, William Frawley, and Vivian Vance, debuted on CBS-TV. I Love Lucy, an American comedy sitcom that centered around the lives of two married couples, aired for six seasons.  For most of its run, it was the most popular TV show in America, and it is still in syndication around the world.

When the show premiered, the Energizing Sun, Communicator Mercury and Fantasy Neptune were all conjunct in Marital Libra and also sextile to transforming Pluto in Leo, the sign of entertainment. A fourth planet, Stabilizer Saturn, was also in Libra, and exactly opposite Expansive Jupiter in Pioneering Aries.

With such a prevalence of planets in Libra, the timing was natural to launch a fictional TV show (Neptune) about married couples. The sextile aspect to Pluto also helped to give the show unique, mass appeal (which Pluto rules) and also made it something that could deeply impact the viewers, perhaps holding a mirror to their own marriages (Pluto’s ray tends to spawn deep insight). Pluto is also associated with “historic firsts” and the show helped to establish many precedents in television entertainment.

Also, for the I Love Lucy launch, the Love Duo of Venus and Mars, were tightly conjunct in Virgo, a sign with a penchant to please. (Even though Lucy was always “rocking the boat” at home, with her humorous, often oddball antics, she was also very anxious, in the end, to placate hubby Ricky.  The same was true for Ethel wanting to please Fred. I always dearly loved Ethel, didn’t you?  She seemed like a perfect “best friend” to have. The kind of friend who would never let you down. Ethel had simple charm, and was deeply sympathetic. Nothing inauthentic about her. Fred was also a nice, low-key guy. They may a good pair. Both were perfect complements to the much more animated Ricky and Lucy.)

When Venus, ruling our power of attraction, is conjoined Mars, it not only tends to make us more attractive to the opposite sex, it also puts the topic of romance front and center on the table. I Love Lucy took it all one step further and brought the topic directly into our living rooms. It was a “big thing” during that time era.

Additionally, the Mercury conjunction to Imaginative Neptune, with Mental Mercury ruling writing, is also an extremely creative aspect for generating mesmerizing, “make believe” story lines.  This is a classic “storyteller aspect.” Neptune also rules acting and all the characters in the show did a superb job in that department as well. The I Love Lucy episode below, when Lucy and Ethel both got jobs at a chocolate factory, is one of my all-time favorites. It’s still funny, no matter how many times you see it.

Patrice Thompson


Copyright 2010

Source Notes:

Lucy YouTube Video Plymer 1258

I Love Lucy information: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/I_Love_Lucy

For entertainment purposes only. The information and data contained on and through this site is to be treated purely for your entertainment purposes only. Any prediction or other message that you receive is not a substitute for advice, programs, or treatment that you would normally receive from a licensed professional such as a doctor, lawyer, mental health professional, or financial advisor. Cosmic Life Coach Astrology Blog and Patricia Thompson provides no guarantees, implied warranties, or assurances of any kind, and will not be responsible for any interpretation made or use by the recipient of the information and data mentioned above.

Patricia’s Daily Astrology Horoscope June 12, 2010: Pray for Ellen

12 Saturday Jun 2010

Posted by in June 2010 Astrology

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I think people talk too much anyway. Sometimes people are talking to me and in my mind I’m just like ‘shut up, shut up, shut up…blah blah blah blaaaaah.'” Ellen DeGeneres

As we set our chatty New Moon in Gemini intentions today, let’s try to keep our dear Aquarian friend, Ellen DeGeneres, in all of our thoughts and prayers and wish her the very best.   The next two weeks may be arduously difficult for Ellen, as all of our loquacious intentions that we are prolifically seeding with extra word power today (7:16 am EDT) begin to take shape and joyfully converge and victoriously descend upon poor Ellen thanks to the almighty power and glory and wisdom and heavenly insight of the profuse “diarrhea of the mouth” Gemini New Moon.

My “oh-so wordy” Crystal Ball is also showing me in a  stream of 32,333,428 nine-syllable words that the bulk of these magically seeded Gemini intentions will be arriving at the southeast quadrant of Ellen’s doorstep via Twitter at precisely 12:01 a.m. on June 22nd, at which time the transiting Love Goddess Venus, will be exactly conjunct Ellen’s magnetic Uranus and the always hungry for meat loaf Cancer Sun will be trining her always “DeGenerous” Jupiter in Scorpio and sextiling (time permitting) her seductive Pluto in virginal Virgo.

The Crystal Ball is also therapeutically revealing to us that Ellen may rest assured that at that very moment in time on June 22nd, the nurturing and maternal, “Madonna-like” cosmic forces, that every young girl dreams about embracing and extolling and emulating, will be listening to and heeding all of our prayers, so that Ellen will be able to get through this abundant period of heightened communication with a newer and deeper spiritual appreciation of everything that is edifying and outrageously verbal and verbose and without any serious long-term scars or pathologies or blemishes or worries or cares or blah blah blah blah blah blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.

We also still have clingy Venus in Cancer sextiling elderly Saturn in Virgo today: Pretend to fall in love all over again, and quickly become engaged and married to, someone old and wrinkled, with lots of money and a shortened life span.

June 12th birthdays: President George H.W. Bush, Marv Albert

Cosmic Word Of The Day: “Chatterbox.” Meaning of the Word: What each and every one of us will be getting Ellen DeGeneres for her birthday next January 26th.

Enjoy your Saturday!  May you never be at a loss for words, from this moment on, for the sake of Ellen DeGeneres’s complete and total transformational redemption of consciousness.

Written by Patricia “Patrice” Thompson

Copyright 2010

Source Quotes:

Ellen DeGeneres Quote: http://thinkexist.com/quotation/-i_think_people_talk_too_much_anyway-sometimes/340707.html

Butterfly picture: http://www.weforanimals.com/wallpapers/butterflies/page-1/butterflies-1.htm

Disclaimer

For entertainment purposes only. The information and data contained on and through this site is to be treated purely for your entertainment purposes only. Any prediction or other message that you receive is not a substitute for advice, programs, or treatment that you would normally receive from a licensed professional such as a doctor, lawyer, mental health professional, or financial advisor. Cosmic Life Coach Astrology Blog and Patricia Thompson provides no guarantees, implied warranties, or assurances of any kind, and will not be responsible for any interpretation made or use by the recipient of the information and data mentioned above

Patricia Thompson’s Astrology May 11, 2010: Betty White

11 Tuesday May 2010

Posted by in May 2010 Astrology

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“Follow effective action with quiet reflection. From the quiet reflection will come even more effective action.” Peter F. Drucker

I believe that quote eloquently summarizes what we have just been through with Thought-Keeper Mercury retrograde in Taurus the last three weeks. We should have used this retrograde period to wisely reflect upon our previous thoughts and ideas. Now with Mercury stationing direct today we are poised to move forward again and, as Peter Drucker says, take even more “effective action.”

Too, we may want to give Mercury a few days to get back to full speed before proceeding full throttle with our ideas, as it is still a little dizzy and disoriented from all the backward motion.

The Moon continues in restless, self-discovery Aries. Wonderful springtime energy. With Aries, we intrinsically feel the joy of being alive. We’re also like little children alone in a candy store.  I don’t know about you, but I really felt the Aries energy yesterday. I also suddenly thought of a new personal venture for myself.

Let’s all continue to tap into this pioneering Aries energy today and see what new things we can come up with in the way of re-birthing ourselves. Then we can put all these insights and discoveries into action towards the end of the week.

“The vision must be followed by the venture.  It is not enough to stare up the steps – we must step up the stairs.”  Vance Havner.

Celebrity News:

The unstoppable, lovable actress and comedian, Betty White, born under the earthy sign of Capricorn, scored another big one on SNL last week with some measure of help from the stars.  For her SNL debut, trailblazer Mars in entertaining Leo was  exactly conjunct her Neptune, which sits right on her warm and outgoing Leo Ascendant.

Neptune governs our personal mystique and charisma, as Neptune is the ruler of illusion. When it is conjoined energizer Mars it can signify a peaking of all that is magical and charismatic about us.

Yes, all of us are more captivated than ever now with Betty and thoroughly under her spell.  Neptune also makes us feel dreamy and otherwordly and you can bet that Betty is feeling like she is in seventh heaven about now.  She’s a treasure.

Enjoy your Aries Moon Tuesday.

Written by Patricia Thompson

Copyright 2010

Source Notes:

Betty White horoscope: http://www.astro.com/astro-databank/White,_Betty

Vance Havner quote: http://thinkexist.com/quotes/with/keyword/venture/

Peter F. Drucker quote

Butterfly picture: butterfly photo: butterfly picture: http://www.weforanimals.com/wallpapers/butterflies/page-1/butterflies-1.htm

Disclaimer

For entertainment purposes only. The information and data contained on and through this site is to be treated purely for your entertainment purposes only. Any prediction or other message that you receive is not a substitute for advice, programs, or treatment that you would normally receive from a licensed professional such as a doctor, lawyer, mental health professional, or financial advisor. Cosmic Life Coach Astrology Blog and Patricia Thompson provides no guarantees, implied warranties, or assurances of any kind, and will not be responsible for any interpretation made or use by the recipient of the information and data mentioned above

My 2010 Prophecies: Free Beer, Burgers and Biscuits

14 Thursday Jan 2010

Posted by in January Astrology 2010

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Been writing about fish and feet in my prophecy report for 2010…focusing now on booze… mainly beer…  the  cheap stuff …which is all most of us can afford now…as inebriated, expansive Jupiter wobbles its way through liquor-friendly Pisces, starting January 18th… I’m predicting we’ll be drowning our sorrows with lots of  booze in the refrigerator in the near future…sending alcohol-related stocks, especially beer stocks, to the moon…

Fast-food restaurants are also offering free beer with burger or biscuit purchases…buy an egg and sausage biscuit, get a free beer…buy a double-cheeseburger, get two free beers…babies are breast-fed beer now instead of milk…and the legal age for drinking is abolished so infants can drink beer without fear of getting busted…school-lunch programs officially switch from milk to beer…Starbucks puts beer in its’ coffee…Sarah Palin and Katie Couric meet for beer drinking matches to see which one can drink the most beer and read at the same time…Simon Cowell’s replaced by a tipsy Clydesdale horse on American Idol…NBC replaces Jay Leno with a beer-delivery man…Conan O’Brien hires hit man to steel  the beer out of Jay Leno’s refrigerator…Hillary Clinton decides to leave her Secretary of State post to become a barmaid, takes Sarah Palin with her…traders focus on beer-bellies instead of pork-bellies…the Obama administration outlaws sobriety tests and makes Saturday night beer-baths mandatory for everybody…athletes inject themselves with beer instead of steroids…we’re giving our sweetie heart-shaped cans of  beer instead of heart-shaped boxes of chocolates this Valentine’s Day…the Catholic church is giving out special happy-hour passes for those attending weekly confession…Santa is putting six-packs of beer in everyone’s stockings at Christmas, the more naughty you’ve been, the more beer you get…then when you surpass a certain threshold of bad behavior, St. Nick upgrades you to wine and Jack Daniels…we’re urged by doctors to drink 8 glasses of beer a day, instead of 8 glasses of water…preacher Pat Robertson… has one too many beers while fishing with his buddies… falls into the belly of the Twitter whale…where he’s swallowed up…and later spit out and saved… by Ryan Seacrest… who just happens to be swimming by…and last but not least…”Pants On The Ground” from American Idol becomes the official theme-song of the Republican party as male members of the party are too inebriated to figure out how to put their belts back on…

Copyright 2010

2010 Prophecies:Fish Farms Replace Fat Farms…

13 Wednesday Jan 2010

Posted by in January Astrology 2010

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Moving right along with yet another installment of my “Special Prophesies Report” for 2010…

Been discussing with you that, big porker Jupiter, moves into Pisces on January 18th…that is, if he eat doesn’t eat himself into a coma first…here are more illuminating visions for the year as a result of Jupiter’s grand caloric intake into the sign of  forbidden fish and very homely, defrocked priests…

With Jupiter sea-bound, fish are in short supply… fish prices, fish stocks, skyrocket..congress investigates ….Jupiter hogs all the fish for himself…anything “fishy” makes money…George Washington replaced with a giant king mackerel on dollar bills…  fish farms proliferate, replacing fat farms…NBC’s Brian Williams investigates…Dick Cheney and Sarah Palin sentenced  by all liberals to hard labor at a fish-farm…conservatives object and throw fish eggs…mass chaos ensues…TMZ reports Oprah Winfrey checks into a fish farm to lose weight…Michael Moore makes big fish-farm documentary…baits wormy people to talk and then drowns them…Rush Limbaugh pushed by MSNBC’s Keith Olbermann into a giant fish tank…nearly drowns….but is okay…There’s bigger demand for big fish, lower demand for little fish…minnows  treated as outcasts…The Twitter Whale is a bigger star than ever…Save the Whales campaign takes on more urgency.. Charlie Tuna is back in the swim on TV…Wall Street Journal and CNBC report fish advertising huge for 2010…Scaly, oily skin is in…pimples very  popular…anything with puss in it is super cool, as Pisces rules infections…fish oil is the big new aphrodisiac …Kentucky Fried Chicken  switches from chicken to all fish…they move their restaurants underwater…Vatican reinstates mandatory fish-eating on Fridays for all Catholics…Sarah Palin attends weekly “fish fries” with Katie Couric at  local book signing events making liberals cringe …Tiger Woods implicated in more extra-marital affairs but only with mermaids …and NBC replaces their Peacock with an aging, overweight Porpoise named Bruno in a bid to improve ratings…

Copyright 2010