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Been writing about fish and feet in my prophecy report for 2010…focusing now on booze… mainly beer…  the  cheap stuff …which is all most of us can afford now…as inebriated, expansive Jupiter wobbles its way through liquor-friendly Pisces, starting January 18th… I’m predicting we’ll be drowning our sorrows with lots of  booze in the refrigerator in the near future…sending alcohol-related stocks, especially beer stocks, to the moon…

Fast-food restaurants are also offering free beer with burger or biscuit purchases…buy an egg and sausage biscuit, get a free beer…buy a double-cheeseburger, get two free beers…babies are breast-fed beer now instead of milk…and the legal age for drinking is abolished so infants can drink beer without fear of getting busted…school-lunch programs officially switch from milk to beer…Starbucks puts beer in its’ coffee…Sarah Palin and Katie Couric meet for beer drinking matches to see which one can drink the most beer and read at the same time…Simon Cowell’s replaced by a tipsy Clydesdale horse on American Idol…NBC replaces Jay Leno with a beer-delivery man…Conan O’Brien hires hit man to steel  the beer out of Jay Leno’s refrigerator…Hillary Clinton decides to leave her Secretary of State post to become a barmaid, takes Sarah Palin with her…traders focus on beer-bellies instead of pork-bellies…the Obama administration outlaws sobriety tests and makes Saturday night beer-baths mandatory for everybody…athletes inject themselves with beer instead of steroids…we’re giving our sweetie heart-shaped cans of  beer instead of heart-shaped boxes of chocolates this Valentine’s Day…the Catholic church is giving out special happy-hour passes for those attending weekly confession…Santa is putting six-packs of beer in everyone’s stockings at Christmas, the more naughty you’ve been, the more beer you get…then when you surpass a certain threshold of bad behavior, St. Nick upgrades you to wine and Jack Daniels…we’re urged by doctors to drink 8 glasses of beer a day, instead of 8 glasses of water…preacher Pat Robertson… has one too many beers while fishing with his buddies… falls into the belly of the Twitter whale…where he’s swallowed up…and later spit out and saved… by Ryan Seacrest… who just happens to be swimming by…and last but not least…”Pants On The Ground” from American Idol becomes the official theme-song of the Republican party as male members of the party are too inebriated to figure out how to put their belts back on…

Copyright 2010

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