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Continuing right along with my Prophecy Report for 2010…as I shared earlier…the three dominant themes for 2010 are: Fish, Feet and Confessions…but not necessarily in that order… Jupiter’s passage through smelly Pisces the fish begins January 18th…Jupiter sails through Pisces, entering Aries, the sign of the selfish ram, on June 6th…that opens up a whole new world of cruel prediction possibilities …Jupiter  retrogrades back into Pisces September 9th… where he stays until January 22nd, 2011…Jupiter normally stays 13 months in a sign…

Jupiter, the inspirational teacher, writer, philosopher and preacher, is our biggest planet because he can’t stick to a diet… he does everything in a grandiose manner…for good or for bad..He rules the largest organ in our bodies, the liver…some of you naughty minded folks were thinking, when I said largest organ, that I was alluding to that other male-organ… that’s ruled  by Pluto…and from direct experience… that organ is not always that big… except for when Jupiter is in Pluto-ruled Scorpio…

Jupiter is considered a lucky or benefic influence in astrology…creating opportunity wherever he goes, when he’s sober…however…his downfall is he overdoes…he over-eats… over-drinks…over-promises… over-spends…lives plum too high on the hog…which is why our world is in the  mess it’s in today…on the other hand…he can also be lazy and rest on his chubby laurels…Pluto’s passage through Jupiter’s sign of Sagittarius corresponded with many becoming obsessed with expansion and spending…we spent, spent, spent our little fannies off …lived largely on credit…which Pluto controls…the bankers kept extending everyone more and more credit as if they were dispensing drugs…now that Jupiter is in drug-loving Pisces…the government will start putting narcotics into our water supply…

Pisces rules the sea and everything that pertains to it…it also rules the feet, thought of as the soul of all understanding…it pertains to all things mystical, religious, spiritual, and psychic…it’s a safe-haven for misfits, castaways, alcoholics, dope heads, hookers, and deceivers… misunderstood artists and dancers…film-makers, photographers, creative types that don’t fit anywhere else because they’re often late on their rent…it rules prisons…it rules hospitals… and those who care for the sick and infirm….and last, and most importantly, it rules Dr. Scholl’s corn pads…

My visions for the future come at goofy times…I may be on the toilet… may be making the bed…or wallpapering the ceiling… I may be engaging in a myriad host of activities…even snoring… and then suddenly I must stop whatever I am doing and jot down the singular mighty vision…So what I am predicting for 2010? Let’s begin with the feet…

First off, since Jupiter likes everything big… big, fat feet are in…  The bigger, the better… Men are less concerned with a woman’s bra-size and more concerned with her shoe size, especially the width of her foot…with wider being better here…as a consequence…single women with smaller, narrower feet, are going to find it harder and harder to get dates…Simon Cowell and Bill O’Reilly team up for a brand new reality show on FOX called the “Foot-Factor”..which outs liberals’ shoe sizes…becomes bigger hit than “American Idol”…Paula Abdul joins the show…shares with us she has been struggling with a life-long foot fetish…Troubled people with foot fetishes are outed everywhere…Oprah Winfrey devotes many shows to the topic… Pedicures become  government mandated for all school-age children and Republicans…Toenails  replace screws…Both Jay Leno and Conan O’Brien become shoe salesmen… both replaced with big-footed podiatrists…Joan Rivers launches a successful line of foot jewelry on QVC…More and more people start sucking their toes instead of their thumbs…There are scientific breakthroughs in surgery so more toes may be added to each foot..People  no longer care about plastic surgery for their faces, they are only worried about the wrinkles on their feet…People start wearing several pairs of shoes at the same time…Shoe stores start appearing on every corner…Shoe horns replace fog horns, french horns, and car horns…another government mandate… Shoes become more valuable than cars and the federal government offers a new program to fund their purchase…replacing the old government-sponsored car program…Stock shares of Dr. Scholl’s foot products’  soar, as do the stocks of all foot-related products…CNBC and Wall Street Journal reporting the government suspects some insider trading…President Obama scraps daily press conferences…starts holding daily foot clinics instead… Katie Couric reveals Sarah Palin’s shoe size and width…is her shoe size bigger than her IQ?… and also asks what kind of  books and newspapers Sarah’s feet read…if they read any at all…Bunions and corns are government-mandated on all feet…film-maker Michael Moore makes a stinky documentary about it exposing the shoes sizes of all those involved with the corny mandate …A new federal-government amendment passes making sure people are discriminated against because of their shoe-size…People are forced to reveal their shoe sizes on employment applications…smaller the foot, less chance of getting hired…Kids are admitted into college according to their shoe sizes instead of their SAT scores…again…bigger shoe size…the better the chance for admission…Kathy Griffin no longer is Anderson Cooper’s sidekick on New Year’s Eve for CNN…she’s replaced with a sexier high-heel that doesn’t utter the “F” word and only tells corny jokes…

Copyright 2010

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